i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
