I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
