woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
