No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
