I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize