I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
