Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
