When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
