I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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