I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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