she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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