I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
