I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
