It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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