So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
