I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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