i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
