i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
