Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I intend to get homeless drunk
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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