Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
