My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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