Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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