My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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