yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
