Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
