So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
