over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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