I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
