i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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