I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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