yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
