he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize