She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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