o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
