"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
