Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
