she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
