butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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