this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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