our cab driver is having phone sex.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
