I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
