sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
