he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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