At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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