First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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