I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
