I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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