He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
