Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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