I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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