i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
