I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
