I wannas sexs uuuuu
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
