you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
