Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
