Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
