it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
