Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
