and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
