I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
no you cant smoke seaweed
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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