You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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