Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
why do cheetos always look like penises
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
