I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
