I am midnight drunk by noon
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
