and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Randomize
