turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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