so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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