my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
