oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
