Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
