There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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