Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
