I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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