My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
