Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize