Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
