I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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