can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
