After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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