Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
