Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize