I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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