Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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