Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
