Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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