if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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