so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
