I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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