I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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